I Knew It!

Expect cavity searches to be starting at your local airport…


I called this a few months ago. (Too bad I wasn’t blogging back then!) I am always thinking about cracks in the security system when I am at the airport. (If I see somebody retrieve a briefcase from behind the counter at Starbucks and then board my flight, I’m going into “Let’s Roll” mode.)

After the Shoe Bomber, everyone had to remove their shoes at airport security. Then there was the Liquid Bomber and suddenly breast milk was being confiscated by the TSA.

One of my favorite films is Maria Full of Grace. It’s about a South American girl working at a rose processing company when she agrees to be a drug mule and fly to New York City. It’s a very moving film and looks pretty darn true-to-life.

The film made me realize that the easiest way to get contraband into this country or onto an airplane was to carry it in your body. After a discussion about border crossing and cavity searches with my dear friend Tristan, who is Canadian, I realized that was the trick. At some point, I postulated while waiting to get back into the United States from Canada a terrorist would carry explosives in his or her anal cavity and that would be it. The TSA would make every one of us strip naked before boarding an airplane.

And thus it has come to pass.

So next to you fly, be sure to shave. For the sake of those poor TSA agents who will be obligated to examine your ugly naked self.